OK Boomer
There was a time when being a “Baby Boomer” was considered cool. Back then in the 70’s and 80’s you were the apple of the eye of every marketer in America. When I consider the intoxicatingly coveted status of Millennials today and their perceived buying prowess, I think to myself: Enjoy the attention now as it won’t last forever.
Just as Millennials do now, my generation—born during the baby boom era following World War II—thought we ruled the world. Then one day, AARP, The Magazine was delivered to our door. What happened? How did it manage to find out we had turned 50?
Aging Gracefully
Well, that was over twenty years ago for me. And, believe it or not, that bloody magazine keeps coming. And every month, as if personally insulted, I ceremoniously toss it out. Until last month, that is. Then, who do you think was on the cover but a radiant Annette Bening. I had just watched her masterful performance in the movie “The Report” so her name was top of mid. But, seeing her face on the cover of AARP was unexpected. She couldn’t be 50, could she?
No one was around so I felt safe opening up the magazine for a sneak read. There she was stunningly dressed in a luxurious silk blouse, beige tweed slacks and café au lait-colored platform suede boots. Entitled “Annette Bening Up Close,’’ the article praised her as a 61-year-old, accomplished actor, refreshingly authentic and a consummate professional.
Being in the State of Becoming
What interested me most in the interview was how Annette viewed herself. She talked about her experiencing “a growing sense of freedom and groundedness” that she hadn’t felt earlier in her life. As many women “of a certain age”—the euphemistic French term for older women—Annette sees herself as still evolving, continually changing and growing. My friend Steve (who you will meet later) calls it “being in the state of becoming,” something he, like Annette, aspires to.
Good for you, AB. Clearly, she has learned to age gracefully. Furthermore, unlike most women, she wasn’t shy about her age. Rather, she embraced it. Considering she is younger than I, perhaps I should be less evasive about how old I am, too. As much as I hate to admit it, I am a mature or older female. At the same time, I still see myself as a 27-year-old, an inconsistant self-perception fraught with real inconsistencies.
Defining the Terms Mature and Old
Annette’s upbeat take on aging encouraged me to consider what the positive benefits of growing older might be. I informally surveyed my contemporaries. By the way, none of these individuals would fit the description of today’s “OK Boomer” stereotype: a close-minded individual resistant to change. The people I hang with are all smart, engaged and forward-thinking.
Each generation has a different view of what it is to be considered old. There is the common expression, “Today’s 60-year-olds are yesterday’s 50-year-olds.” In many instances this is a reality. Fortunately, many of us have figured out that exercise, a youthful outlook, and a positive attitude on life keep the beast of aging at bay.
For me, the definition of “old” is 85 or above, but that’s because I am 72. But, for this post, let’s agree on the criteria for the “mature/old” category: anyone who is receiving Social Security—not an insignificant benefit in itself!—and no longer working fulltime.
Jokingly, I used to say that growing old had only one obvious advantage: wisdom. Come to find out, though, this is only one of many positive benefits.
No Longer Caring What Others Think
When I asked my new next-door neighbor, Sandy, what she considered the best part of being mature, she replied with a warm, confident smile, “I have nothing to prove any longer. I can be myself totally as I don’t care what others think. And, I can say ‘no’ and be completely comfortable about the decision.” Her husband George (whose 80th birthday party I had just attended at the New York Food Bank where he is a trustee) has an equally positive response. “I’m more content.” Like his wife, George’s freedom to be himself is one strong conduit to his sense of happiness. (I slipped George’s response in here as he really doesn’t qualify within the category: he still consults as a lawyer!)
Happiness as a Benefit of Age
George’s comment about being content caught my attention. Turns out there are studies that prove his response to be scientifically on point. Dr. Saverio Stranges has studied the fact that seniors are amongst the happiest groups of people, far happier than their younger counterparts. He explains why this is possible. “This could be due to better coping abilities. Older people tend to have internal mechanisms to deal better with hardship and negative circumstances than those who are younger.”
Gaining Perspective through Life Experiences
In my Italian class last week, we discussed another advantage which comes with age: perspective. My fellow classmate Joan gave an example of having perspective: "A benefit of aging is not taking everything quite so seriously.” She had just returned from taking care of her 90+ year old father. She elaborated that thanks to her life experiences she knew the difference between something truly serious and a situation which just needed a little humor and a bit of distraction. “I’m getting better at it as time goes by but I think I’ll need another 20 or 30 years!”
Another benefit at this stage of life for older individuals—assuming you are not caring for a loved one—is time. Now our days are no longer dominated by taking care of children or seeking career advancement, recognition, and financial security. Instead, we have the freedom and luxury of deciding how we want to use our time.
Having the Luxury of Controlling your own Time
As Oregon wine pioneer and author, Susan Sokol Blosser puts it “I look differently now at invitations and opportunities. What do I really want to do? Not what I need to do; not what I should do. This is not as easy as it sounds. After years of doing what I need or should, I now have the freedom to act on my feelings.” In Susan’s recently published book (available on Amazon) called “7 Lessons at 70” she talks about having the power to control your time.
Opportunity to Pursue your Passions and Personal Dreams
Many people, liberated from the restraints of work, cultivate their personal passions. For some it is traveling to all the place on their bucket list. For others, it is pursing hobbies or interests which are meaningful to them. Steve, a retired executive, who embraces the notion of retirement, explained with sheer delight what this means to him. “No more meetings, no more PowerPoint, no more annual performance appraisals, no more bosses! Ahhh...For me, the working life seemed to be composed of the actual work, thinking about work, commiserating with others about work and recovering from work.”
And now, what is Steve’s solution to his new freedom of time? He continued, “I’m occupied with self-actualization, making the most of my time left, and trying to be on my best behavior. Doesn’t that sound mature?” Steve, has always had an interest in art. Now he is creating beautiful images by using his computer. (The photo for this post is his work, a painting which I proudly own. It also happens to be the only non-female artist I’ve allowed in my collection!)
Bettering Society
Others choose to use their time in more civic-minded ways. Candice, a retired clinical social worker, explained her choice. “Having time is wonderful. I live not feeling ‘panicked’ about there not being enough in a day. Now I have the luxury and the wisdom to direct my time and energy towards those things for which I feel most passionate.” Candice oversees a music foundation started by her mother in Buck’s Country, Pennsylvania. Concordia Chamber Players brings together talents from all over the world, both rising stars and seasoned professionals, for a robust schedule of local concerts. This is meaningful volunteer work for Candice—herself a pianist—as not only does it fulfill a personal passion, but it also helps to culturally enrich her community.
Audrey Boughton, a fellow CancerCare trustee, philosophically weighed in on aging and its benefits. “Growing older’s advantages depends on so much: who and where we are, what we may or may not have, what ’seasoned’ us, our hopes, tragedies, ages, and general approach in life, pessimist or optimist.“ Audrey also added to the equation your physical conditions and belief in a religion.
Ever the realist, Audrey continued, “One can keep ‘growing up,’” yet another advocate for the theory shared by AB and Steve. As for gaining wisdom, she replied “Well, one hopes it tempers us.”
One of the greatest advantages Audrey has seen as a mature adult is her family. Her grandchildren, in particular, have given her unexpected delight.
Interacting with Grandchildren and Younger People
People playfully joke that you should never have children, only grandchildren. However, the love and joy mature people experience with their grandchildren is only one aspect of the benefit. Dr. Karl Pillemer, who studies aging and intergenerational relationships, expounds on the importance of the relationship between children and their grandparents. According to him, “Research shows children need four to six involved, caring adults in their lives to fully develop emotionally and socially.” He claims, too, that this relationship with their elders is second in importance only to the parental/child relationship.
Learning this fact has strengthen my resolve to spend more time with the younger people in my life. Even though I have no children of my own, I am fortunate to have step-grandchildren, nephews and Goddaughters where I can play the surrogate Grandmother role, a mutually beneficial social exchange.
Mentoring as a Way to Give Back
Much has been said about the importance of mentoring. It continues to be a buzzword in business where young professionals seek out guidance from others older and more experienced than they. Participating in mentoring is another advantage of growing older. You have the time and experience to give back. It doesn’t need to be a formalized process either. Sharing what you know with children, young adults, or even your peers, can be emotionally rewarding.
Susan Sokol Blosser describes the process aptly: “Mentoring can be the informality of just being interested, listening without judging, asking questions, and offering relevance from your experience.”
Like Susan, I focus on helping young women in business. I enjoy keeping in touch with my former employees and serving as an informal sounding board for their careers. Additionally. I am an active member of a professional organization, Les Dames d’Escoffier, whose mission is to provide scholarships and mentoring opportunities for women in the wine, food and hospitality fields. With the perspective of age and years of life experience, mature adults like me are perfectly poised to share their wisdom by helping others make their way through life more confidently.
Being in the Green Room of Life
My friend Nina reminded me the other day on a phone call from California, “Next year I’m turning 60. I just lost my father and now I feel like I’m in the green room.” The parallel she was making was similar to being an actor waiting in a quiet room before a performance not exactly sure of how things would unfold. Then she added, “It’s like being ‘up next.’” This astute observation of one’s mortality from someone who, in my estimation, is still young, was poignant and worthy of a pause for consideration.
Gratitude as a Survival Mechanism
No one denies that life is a slippery slope at any age. You never know when your card is going to be drawn. So, all of us, not just Baby Boomers, would do well to consider the benefits of our current life. For those of us in the mature/old category, the virtue of gratitude is key. It is a survival skill which fortunately improves as we continue to experience the highs and lows of life. We need to remember, and be thankful for, all the good things we possess as elders: time, freedom of choice, ability to better our community, enjoyment of our family and friends, plus the chance to pursue our dreams.