Rituals to keep you on an even keel
What exactly is a ritual and why do people perform them? A ritual—either sacred or secular—is a repeated action performed to enlist a meaningful result. It differs from a routine mainly due to the attitude behind the action. It could be to boost confidence, to alleviate stress, or to encourage performance.
In a recent New York Times article on the topic, sports psychologist Caroline Silby is quoted saying, “Rituals allow you to create a pathway to connect your mind and body and feel in control during a time when there are a lot of unknowns.”
Now that sounds like what we are all experiencing during the current pandemic, right? So let’s take a deep dive into rituals and examine how people create their own signature acts to mitigate stress and set themselves up for success.
THE PROS DO IT
Professional athletes and performers are strong believers in rituals. Take Serena Williams, the tennis champion, for example. She always bounces her ball five times before her first serve. Michael Jordan, the basketball superstar, used to wear his North Carolina shorts underneath his Chicago Bulls shorts in every game. Dan Reagan, a trombonist in Marc Anthony’s band, does spiritual chanting before going on stage as well as at intermission.
Whatever the ritual is remains less important than the desired result. In almost all cases, it puts the individual in better control by easing nerves, heightening focus, and increasing confidence in performing well. Either during a competitive match or at a new business presentation, enacting a ritual gives people a sense of power over their world.
SHAVING AS A RITUAL
My father started every day with a twenty-minute ritual: a shave with a metal safety razor. After he stripped down to his white undershirt, he would lay down a bathmat under the sink—as he did a lot of splashing of water. Next, Dad would wrap a clean towel around his neck, turn on his transistor radio, and get down to business of removing his overnight beard. He used an old-fashioned brush to lather up which softened every whisker. Looking steadily into the mirror, he would puff out his cheeks like a blow fish, tilt the razor to a perfect 30-degree angle, and begin making short strokes with a light touch.
As a child, I loved watching him angle his head, pull his skin taut, and magically glide the razor over his face. It was like watching someone lather up their face with whipped cream, then stand in front of a carnival fun house mirror and make weird, distorted faces.
Dad’s morning ritual also included huffing and puffing sounds as he dipped the razor into the sink making sure each stroke started with a cleaned blade. Massive amounts of warm water were splashed on his face half of which landed on the bathroom floor. The final touch: Old Spice After Shave Lotion gently patted all over his face. Voilà! Dad was ready to confront his world of work as an aeronautical engineer. He never knew what the day would bring, but at least he was confident that his Elvis Presley sideburns were meticulously groomed and his face shaved to perfection.
A FRIDAY NIGHT RITUAL TO CALM THE NERVES
When I moved into Manhattan forty-some years ago, my first apartment was a studio in Yorkville. My next-door neighbor, Bill Baker, worked for his father who owned a successful imported shoe business. Bill was constantly berated by his father which caused him a great deal of stress at work. Why? Not because Bill wasn’t an effective salesman but because Bill was gay. That destroyed his macho-man father. To get through the week, however, Bill started a ritual: preparing a Friday dinner at home. It always began with a dry Beefeater martini with a twist, followed by two grilled lamb chops and a baked potato. By imaging this quiet, civilized, weekly tradition, Bill managed to keep his cool under paternal fire throughout the week.
MORNING RITUALS TO START THE DAY
Morning seems to be a favored time by most people for performing their daily rituals. Oregon wine industry pioneer, Susan Sokol Blosser sits quietly for 5-15 minutes to collect herself. “You could call it meditating. Sometimes I just do slow, deep breathing. Other times I say Metta (loving kindness) which is a set of blessings I say for my family. I went years ago to a Metta meditation workshop for women and it was very powerful.”
Susan also finds a meditative, calming effect in the half hour it takes to water her vegetable garden. As Susan describes it, “I call it the Zen of watering—just standing with a hose and moving from plant to plant.”
Fellow blogger, Cynthia Sin-Yi Cheng—who goes by the name “Ms. Bond”—has been mediating every morning even before Covid-19. “I've always had this good habit for grounding myself and starting my day in a peaceful way. I also don't check my phone or email until I've meditated, hula hooped for ten minutes and had breakfast. When I meditate, I think of all the things that I like and don't like and I send loving energy to it ALL! That makes me feel better and more peaceful about the world.” (Sign up for her newsletter via msbond@thatmsbond.com.)
Ellen Negrin, top wine sales manager, starts her day with a phone call with her daughter. “Madeline calls me before 8:00 AM almost every day even though she’s on Mountain Time in Colorado. We will talk for a few minutes or over an hour depending on the time available. We chat about everything.” Ellen finds that this simple act gives her focus on what is profoundly important in life—her family—which in turn, makes her more resilient through times of stress.
BURNING CALORIES WHILE SOOTHING YOUR NERVES
Exercise seems to be the most common ritual among Americans. Robin Hillary, an RN and skin care specialist, gets up early every morning, slips on her sneakers and runs six miles. She says this daily habit energizes her for a long day standing on her feet.
Former Dutch model, Wilhelmina Wiland, does Five Tibetan Rites as part of her morning ritual. This a series of five specific ancient Indian yoga movements which she does 21 times each. For good measure, Wilhelmina adds a headstand, something she does using a body lift to protect her neck. According to her, doing this routine daily increases her energy, reduces stress, and maximizes her strength and flexibility.
Marguerite Thomas, wine writer and cookbook author, follows what Dr. Fauci subscribes to: speed walking. Whereas he walks for an hour a day, Marguerite aims at a specific distance, four miles. And while Fauci does his speed walking outdoors, she does her in the garage of her condo. “Hey, it’s not so bad—really! I think of it as my gym. I walk in a random pattern, around pillars and over and around the main driving areas. The advantages: there is no traffic other than maybe a car or two coming and going. There is very good airflow, better really than being outdoors this time of year as the air comes from two different directions. I see very few people here, and then only folks I know at least by sight so there is little danger of Covid transmission. Yes, I miss the friends I used to walk with, but I am listening to books on Audible—a whole new experience for me!”
MAKE MINE A G & T
“Another ritual, “Marguerite continues, “is treating myself to a short gin and tonic with Rachel Maddow before bed. Unlike many friends, I drink much less overall these days, usually one glass of wine with dinner and my gin nightcap. I think I drink less now because I am drinking alone these days.” (Her husband is on a medication which precludes his consuming any alcohol and joining her.) “I guess I am one of those people for whom drinking is more a social than a solitary thing.”
On the other hand, Robin Hillary said that her evening wine ritual has gone from one glass to three: one before dinner, one with her meal, then one afterwards while reading or watching television. There should be no surprise that wine and spirits consumption has skyrocketed during the pandemic. People are turning to alcohol to calm their nerves and ease stress in this time of uncertainty.
THE ZIN OF CALLIGRAPHY
Deborah Mintcheff—cookbook editor and guest contributor of this week’s recipe with her Cold Beet Soup—spends several hours each morning practicing calligraphy. She describes this zin-like ritual as a means to create a sense of calm. “It requires total concentration in order to produce the delicate strokes and dramatic down strokes. I can’t allow any outside thoughts in.”
BOOKENDING YOUR DAY WITH TWO RITUALS
Architect Kate Hanenberg bookends her day with a morning walk then piano practice every evening after her 12-hour workday. Kate abandoned the piano for many years but with so much extra time on her hands and nowhere to go at night now, she decided to take it up again. She enjoys the routine of practicing at least a half hour at night because she feels in control of something plus her progress has afforded her a great deal of satisfaction. The benefit of this two-part ritual is that it opens and closes her long day in a relaxed manner. Further, as Kate explains it, “Piano also uses a completely different set of physical and mental muscles.”
ALONE, THEN TOGETHER
Not all rituals are done solo. Melanie Young, founder, and co-host of “The Connected Table” on iHeartRadio, takes a hybrid approach: first by herself, then shared with her spouse. Every morning Melanie either swims, walks, or does yoga. In addition, she thinks about five things she wants to see happen in her day. As she describes her ritual, “No more than five things. And I try to write in my journal as well. Just a few pages.”
Then, after her husband and show co-host David brings her coffee in bed, the two of them “catch up on the news and wish people happy birthday, our shared family ritual.” Her other daily ritual, which she started during the Pandemic, is to call one person a day to say “Hello.”
A WALK IN THE PARK, A NEW FAMILY RITUAL
Jacqui Pickles, London-based private chef, also performs a daily family ritual with husband, Guy. To help “bat away the dark thoughts that creep in, like you I have my brisk morning walk which takes about an hour. Throughout lockdown Guy and I would march across Wandsworth Common (a local park) and support the only coffee shop in the area brave enough to stay open- selling at the door. We would sit on a bench in the sunshine (because freakily we had the most amazing weather throughout that time) and sip our coffee and enjoy the fact that even on a busy road, there was no traffic and the air was cleaner.”
Jacqui continued, “Occasionally a bus would go by with one or two masked people on it. Then we would march back again and start the day. Other than on holiday, we had never done this as a couple at the start of each day. Now we enjoy that time stopping to watch the many ducklings appearing on the pond, admire the parents teaching their little ones the rules of cricket and even sometimes catch a man practicing frisbee…by himself. Everyday activity for many people but new to us as a couple, and I hope we continue to enjoy that hour together when and if normal routines resume.”
SAY IT WITH A KISS
For Charles and Michele Scicolone, Italian wine and food authorities, a morning wake-up kiss and bedtime “bacio” is their touchstone. Charles says it is a simple but effective way to remind him what is important in life. Michele agrees. “Yes, the day begins and ends with a kiss. And it does have the same significance for me. I hate to start or end the day without it!” However, she added with a chuckle, “Though I often go to sleep before he does.”
A RITUAL OF GRATITUDE
My ritual is simple. Before getting out of bed in the morning, I recite ten things for which I am grateful. While most of the items remain constant, I consciously try to expand my gratitude list with a few new additions to keep things fresh. However, one thing which never varies is being able to produce this blog, which I consider a seven-day ritual.
Writing TarteTatinTales on a weekly basis has the same effect as Serena’s bouncing her ball five times. It calms my nerve and empowers me to make effective decisions. When I have control of my actions and when my “serve” is a good one—meaning when I’ve written something meaningful—I allow myself to appreciate my accomplishment. This in turn helps ward off any feeling of hopelessness.
Given the fact that these days of Covid-19 one in three Americans is experiencing depression—including Michele Obama—maintaining any ritual which might control this is not insignificant. So, if you do not currently have a ritual, this might be a good time to acquire one which works for you.