The Thanksgiving that almost wasn’t
British comedian John Oliver wrapped up his “Last Week Tonight” season with a stunt that encapsuled how all of us feel about this year. How? With a pyrotechnical annihilation of an enormous replica of the numbers 2020 propped up in what appeared to be a barren, black earthen pit. To get to this mysterious location, Oliver walked through a wooden door painted siren red. Once outside, he turned to the camera and with a sardonic grin camera closeup pulled the lever. Watching him explode 2020 and proclaim the year an absolute “Parade of Misery” was cathartic. Who would disagree with him? Who wouldn’t want to blow up this year?
Even with the recent promise of three vaccine candidates, we still have a way to go before this bad Covid-19 movie is over. That includes making it through several important holidays with a modicum of dignity and joy.
Thanksgiving, Covid-19 style
Our recent Thanksgiving, for example, was unlike any other we’ve ever experienced. No traditional feast with large gatherings of friends and family. No football or Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade watched on a big TV screen. No postprandial napping. Instead, this year the holiday was tentative, truncated and in some instances, totally ignored. Tentative because people couldn’t decide if they wanted to risk being with others. Truncated because if they did, it had to be limited to two hours max. And ignored by many people who simply opted to treat the day as just another Thursday.
As Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, I elected to do a potluck dinner at my apartment with contributions from a friend who made wicked good, glazed shallots and Ina Garten’s spinach gratin. I provided roasted Cornish game hens, two different stuffings—one using my late husband’s recipe—mashed potatoes, gravy, and cranberry sauce made with candied orange rind and pomegranate seeds. For dessert, we feasted on pumpkin cheesecake made using another friend’s recipe.
The safe way to go: Eating outdoors for the holidays
Putting together a party of four—the prerequisite max number of guests—was an arduous task, much more time intensive than making the meal. Thanksgiving Day, the table was festively set in the dining room with each place setting six feet apart. All the windows were opened for good ventilation. Even with these precautions my guests were not comfortable being inside and requested that we dine outdoors. As the rained had stopped, we bundled up and moved the evening’s festivities to the terrace.
Unfortunately, my lighting system malfunctioned so it was hard to make out what was on our plates. Nonetheless, our spirits were high, the conversation animated, and the meal delicious. I congratulated myself after my quests left for following the medical experts’ advice to be small, smart, and safe.
Pivoting and making the most of the situation
Thanksgiving Day I listened to various stories on the radio of how people pivoted this year to connect with family and friends even if they couldn’t do so in person. FaceTime, phone calls, and Zooms were popular. CNN’s Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, talked about his family’s plans this year. Normally, there would be five from his side plus his parents around a big table enjoying his mother’s famous Marsala Turkey. Covid-19 preempted this normal ritual. Instead, this year Gupta’s mother zoomed cooking instructions to his wife so that all three generations could have the same meal but served from two different kitchens.
Some people prepared all the traditional Thanksgiving dishes, then dropped them off on their parent’s doorstep waving at them from their car windows. Others elected to order in from their favorite restaurant or gourmet food shop. It turned out, very few of my friends here in New York spent the entire day in front of the stove as I was determined to do.
Swapping leftovers
Cooking for others always lifts my spirits. To shake things up a bit this year I decided to swap leftovers with friends. So on “Black Friday” I mapped out a long walk to drop off slices of my pumpkin cheesecake around town. (Check out my recipe on TarteTatinTales: https://bit.ly/39s8ZFJ as you may want to add it to your menu next year.)
Midway through the food-on-foot relay I picked up two friends on Central Park West after handing over their cheesecake. They escorted me through Central Park all the way back over to the East River where the final swap was made. As a reward for almost 16,000 steps, I picked up a piece of carrot cake from one of the best home-bakers in town.
Gratitude as the theme
During Friday’s walk, my girlfriend recounted the Thanksgiving Day zoom session she had experienced with her boyfriend’s family. They had decided to use gratitude as the theme for their family Zoom to reflect the very essence of the holiday. Everyone was asked to select what they were most thankful for this season and explain why.
Her boyfriend’s young grandchildren quickly volunteered they were most thankful for their parents. Then, they added their pets and pizza. Kids are so wonderfully honest.
The children’s mother—who works as a social worker in New York State’s corrections system—responded she was most grateful for having a job which she loved which also loved her back. This response resonated with me. I, too, was grateful to have had a rewarding career which I loved which was also filled with people who made my work a joy.
One of the adult granddaughters, who is in her final year of medical school, was reticent to reply. Instead she asked what the difference was between giving thanks and gratitude. Aren’t they basically the same thing, I was thinking to myself when my girlfriend proffered a different opinion. For her, giving thanks had religious overtones whereas expressing gratitude was more contemplative, focusing more on attitude and mindfulness.
With that same explanation made during the zoom session, the granddaughter demurred but finally replied that she was grateful for her grandparents who had supported her private school education from elementary school through medical school. This was a breakthrough for the family as it was the first time she had ever acknowledged her grandparent’s generosity over the years. A product of an entitled generation, I privately wondered. But, at least it was an acknowledgment of gratitude.
The health benefits of gratitude
Given everyone is now living an existence affected by various levels of anxiety, sadness and for some even depression, gratitude has become a hot topic. Being consciously thankful and appreciating what you have now, or had in the past, or will have in the future is a simple, effective way to manage these emotions.
While “counting your blessings” and “taking time to smell the roses” may seem like tired clichés, they are not. In fact, according to the experts they are effective ways to get a handle on stress as well as to lower your risk for mental health issues.
The American Heart Association further offers that focusing on gratitude can even improve your immune function, something critical for people these days with compromised immune systems who risk becoming severely ill from coronavirus.
There has been considerable research on gratitude and its effect on your well-being. According to an article from the Harvard Medical School, “In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.” So, who wouldn’t want to cultivate this skill?
Tips for staying mentally and physically healthy
Here are some of the experts’ suggestions on how to make gratitude part of your daily life:
1. Write a thank-you note at least once a month. That includes, by the way, writing one to yourself periodically.
2. Thank someone mentally. Even if you don’t have time to write, apparently doing so in your head also has a positive effect.
3. Keep a daily journal of things for which you are grateful.
4. Pick a time each day to think about what brings you joy.
5. Meditate. This is something I’ve never been able to do properly but many friends swear by it. They managed to carve out time either in the morning or evening, or both, for this exercise. While you can focus on a word, such as peace, you can also concentrate on what you are grateful for in the moment without any judgement. Examples could be the warmth of the sun or the beauty of a starlit evening sky.
6. Devote time to yourself: While pampering yourself seems counter-intuitive, doing things which make you feel more joyful, be it taking time to look at a family photo album, having a manicure, or treating yourself to two ounces of caviar, is important.
7. Find ways to give back: This could be by giving time or money to a charity or by simply doing something which reconnects you to your community. What I’ve enjoyed tremendously doing is cooking for a neighbor who is alone and not in the best of health. Many of my friends have done the same thing providing weekly meals for their neighbors who are either confined or too busy working to cook, such as medical workers.
I spent my entire Thanksgiving Day in the kitchen not just cooking and fussing over the table centerpiece but also thinking about family and friends, especially those individuals I wouldn’t be able to see this year.
Surrounding myself with memories of friends and family
I started by putting on my Cuomo-Fauci 2020 campaign T-shirt given to me by one of my favorite mentees. Next, on went the handsewn apron made by a cousin fifty years ago. Just thinking about her picking out the Kelly-green fabric with cheerful penguins in Santa hats always makes me giggle. Then I reminisced about my father who disliked Thanksgiving dinner as he thought turkey had little to recommend it and stuffing even less. Growing up, my mother would alternate one year making a bread stuffing, then the next a ground beef and onion mixture with Italian seasoning. This kept peace in the family and everyone happy at least every other year. Thinking back on those early days, I suspect, too, that my mother’s putting a meatloaf inside a turkey was her version of today’s Turducken.
I also took time to remember my mother’s midnight raids. In those years when her West Virginia bread stuffing won out at Thanksgiving, she would sneak into the kitchen after everyone had gone to bed to make herself a stuffing sandwich. She would slather white bread with Miracle whip, then add a healthy helping of dressing plus a tablespoon or two of cranberry sauce. Luckily, my mother could eat like a growing teenager and remain thin. Had I only inherited those genes.
Trying to duplicate the best dressing on this planet
When I married, my husband and I divided the cooking responsibilities at T-Day. Ed made the turkey and dressing, while I made everything else. As I had never made stuffing, I wanted to see if I could recreate Ed’s recipe, something he never wrote down. I recalled he used sausage, chestnuts, and lots of onions and sage in his dressing. His secret ingredients were dry Vermouth and a generous amount of broth made from cooking the giblets. He always allowed me to be the taster. My role was to suggest what he needed to add to adjust the flavor to perfection. We would end up consuming a full serving each of the stuffing even before it went into the oven with those tastings. These were happy days when Ed and I entertained at least twelve hungry friends at home at Thanksgiving.
Remembrances of Thanksgivings past
Remembering the many friends and loved ones, the convivial spirit surrounding the meals, and all the great bottles of wines we shared together over the years made me feel nostalgic but at the same time grateful and content. When 6 PM rolled around on Thanksgiving this year, I couldn’t wait for my small party to arrive. I was anxious to share my joy, gratitude, and the fruits of my labor in the kitchen even if it did end up being in the dark.
Closing out this Thanksgiving 2020 post I am reminded of what my hero Dr. Fauci recently told the nation: “The calvary is coming, but until then we must still double down.” Sage advice from a wise man.