Hosting Adolescents and Having Fun
Believe it or not, the two are not mutually exclusive. I recently survived five days hosting my family from Florida which included two adolescents, AJ, aged 13 and Hailey, almost 12. Their parents, my nephew Tony, and his wife Mary, were along for the ride too. After a somewhat rocky start—due to my obsessive behavior of over-planning —the five of us ended up having a blast. The trick was simple: lowering my expectations of what constituted a “good” visit to New York City. Here’s some of the back story along with a few lessons learned the hard way. Hopefully these “dos and don’ts” will come in handy the next time guests with youngsters arrive at your doorstep.
SCHEDULING
First find out the children’s area of interest. Once I learned my grandnephew AJ was a history buff, with a recent obsession with genealogy, a trip to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island was added to the schedule. Hailey, who is a girly girl gymnast with a penchant for shopping for make-up, wanted to do something fashion related. This meant including a stop at the Fashion Institute of Technology’s (FIT) museum where an exhibit on Latin American and Latinx fashion was on display.
Hailey also wanted to taste New York City doughnuts as she asserted that Orlando, where she lives, “only has Dunkin’ Doughnuts which are SO boring.” To accommodate this request, we visited a different bakery every day as part of our somewhat technical doughnut tasting: Sullivan Street Bakery; Orwasher; Éclair; and finally, Dough in the TimeOut Food Market in Brooklyn. Orwasher and Dough were tied in first place as having the best doughnuts. Take note, New Yorkers!
Send parents a preliminary itinerary. They will know best if the schedule is too active or if something should be altered to fit the needs of their children.
Plan one major morning event per day when everyone’s energy level is high. Then, select a secondary activity for the afternoon which can be dropped if things get too rushed when you’re out. Flexibility is key. Also, keep activities as close to each other as possible to avoid wasting time in transit.
Organize one blowout event towards the end of the stay. This will give you some negotiating leverage whenever the kids get antsy. “Remember, we have the Blue Man Group performance in two days….”
Double check museums schedules. I screwed this up completely assuming that all New York museums were closed on Mondays. You can imagine my surprise and embarrassment when both of the two (not just one!) museums scheduled on a Tuesday, FIT and the Museum of Ice Cream, were closed. Luckily, we swapped this out with the one and only “lazy day” on the itinerary. So, on Wednesday, the family returned to both museums. I dropped out after the morning’s Fit exhibit. This impromptu decision worked like a charm as it gave me some downtime while also offered my guests a relaxing afternoon away from their anxious aunt with her overwhelming To Do list.
Note to NYC hosts: The Museum of Ice Cream in Soho was a perfect choice for both kids and adults. Not only were there countless interactive and wildly physical activities for the youngsters, with sweet treats along the way, but also “boozy shakes and sundaes” for their parents. Win-win? You bet!
Plan time outdoors. Parks, zoos, and swimming pools offer ample space for kids to release their boundless energy. Even a long walk in the “hood” can work wonders. For example, on the first day of my family’s visit, we strolled several blocks from my apartment to take the Tramway over the East River to see the Theodore Roosevelt's Island Memorial. The park there has superb views of Manhattan plus a peaceful park where Hailey was able to practice some of her gymnastic moves.
Organize several unexpected, fun things for kids and adults alike. On the day we walked over the Brooklyn Bridge, I surprised everyone with a ride on Jane’s Carousel. I’m not sure who had more fun jumping onto the beautifully restored antique horses, the kids, or the adults. But I suspect it was Mary who really got into giving the other tourists the royal wave and flashing a broad smile as she whizzed around on her black stallion.
Another time it was an unexpected project counting the money inside my adult-size, silver piggy bank. Tony supervised the kids as they all sorted, counted, and wrapped $99 worth of coins! Hailey assumed she and her brother would be the recipients of this treasure trove. However, when I told her that the money was going to CancerCare instead, she rolled her eyes then dolefully replied, “That’s fine,“ and continued carefully counting out her pile of nickels and placing them into paper wrappers, something she had never seen before.
Schedule some down time. It never occurred to me that AJ and Hailey might need some private time to chill out. Never having had children, I had no idea how much physical and emotional energy teenagers require.
Additionally, I was unaware of the latest trend among kids: creating videos. Every spare moment Hailey had while in the apartment, she would disappear into her room to create 20-second videos for her personal YouTube channel. You read that correctly. (Check it out on xoxoHailey fidgets). Her favorite was the one she produced showcasing the skin care products she purchased at Soho’s Sephora.
Given there doesn’t seem to be a way to contain social media’s impact on youngsters, you might as well build in time for it to your schedule. Afterall, if you’re an influencer, as Hailey considers herself, you need time to develop content, keep your followers engaged and make sure your “brand” is compelling for your 2.5K followers.
Arrange one free evening for adults only. It’s all well and good to do things together but parents really appreciate some down time, too. Either volunteer to do a separate activity with the kids while the adults slip off or hire a baby-sitter and join the “big kids” for some wicked-good fun.
Organize one host-free day. This allows your guests a chance to do something they (not you!) want to do, then enjoy it at their own pace. An added benefit is that you, the hurried host, get a day off to recharge your batteries.
Build in at least one recovery day after your guests leave. Use this time to do laundry, get the house back in order, and basically recover. I factored in two days so that I could also spoil myself with sleeping late, binge watching “And Just Like That,” and finishing The Song of Achilles.
ACCOMODATIONS
Put away valuable keepsakes. Accidents happen so don’t leave out anything which the children might break. Child-proofing your home also includes making sure there are no danger zones such as cable clutter, sharp furniture corners, and the like.
Give guests a tour of their accommodations. As soon as guests arrive, show them where their beds are; how to use the bathroom (in case there are any functional peculiarities as there is with flushing the guestroom toilet); which towels are theirs; where they can store their stuff; where they can plug in their iPhones; and for the kids, where they can play.
Set house rules early on so that guests know what’s expected of them. It’s your home so don’t feel guilty establishing certain rules, such as all beds must be made up in the morning before breakfast. I neglected to tell my family where my private space was. Luckily, I did not have any youngsters in PJs showing up at my pull-out couch in the early morning. Remember, however, be reasonable. It’s your home, but not a halfway house.
MEALS PLANNING
Find out in advance what the children like to eat and if they have any food allergies. Kids are notoriously picky eaters. While AJ—who has a naturally inquisitive palate—would eat anything put in front of him, his sister is lactose intolerant (except for ice cream!) and refuses to eat pizza, cheese or anything touched by a tomato. Knowing this would have facilitated making a better choice of restaurants on those evenings we ate out. In all fairness, Mary did provide a list, however, I inadvertently overlooked it.
Send parents a preliminary meal program. They will flag the problem items. Remember to keep meals quick and easy. Make-ahead dishes such as soups, casseroles, one pan meals which can be pre-frozen are ideal. Other than having back-up ice cream in the freezer for dessert, allow the kids to pick treats along the way. AJ and Hailey were deliriously happy with their choice of giant chocolate cookies from Jacques Torres’s shop in Dumbo. So were the adults.
Take the kids food shopping. As soon as my family arrived, we all went grocery shopping. Knowing how brand loyal the kids can be, I thought it wise for them to select their own bread, cereal, milk, milk substitute, fruit and deli items. Worked like a charm.
Let the kids help you cook. If the kids are comfortable in the kitchen, as AJ and Hailey are, select several easy recipes where they can participate. Cooking with Aunt Marsha has become a family tradition so that was automatically included in the original schedule. The kids had a blast making their Italian great grandmother’s recipe for meatballs, a special treat for AJ who is heavy into anything family-related. Later the kids tried their hand at preparing bruschetta and guacamole. Not only did they have fun in the kitchen, but they were equally proud of their edible accomplishments.
Keep snacks out so people can help themselves. I didn’t do this and wished I had as the kids were perpetually hungry. Some healthy snacks would have been helpful to ward off the kids’ relentless mantra, “I’m hungry”.
Food Halls are great for picky eaters. On our last day out, we discovered the TimeOut Food Market in Brooklyn. Why didn’t I think of this earlier? The wide choice of ethnic cuisines made eating out a fun experience for everyone. Not only were we able to find chicken nuggets and fries for Hailey but also a Japanese bowl of Ramen noodles, sliced pork belly and seaweed for AJ which he devoured in record time using chopped sticks.
Keep a supply of bottled water on hand. This should have been a no-brainer for me. However, for someone who prefers New York City tap water, I forgot this helpful tip. Next time, I’ll have a supply of bottled water for my guests to “grab ‘n go.”
CITY TRANSPORATION
Chart out the best routes for your travels. If using public transportation, figure out which bus/subway routes to take. Bear in mind, one Metro card can be swiped multiple times for up to four people. Therefore, there’s no need for every member to have (and lose!) their own card. And be sure it has at least a minimum amount of money on it in advance so the gang can immediately start their travels. Either you or the family can add additional money on the card as needed.
New York yellow taxi cabs (normal size) are legally limited to four passengers. We were able to squeeze in the two kids (who are both small) several times but more often than not, the drivers refused to take us. That’s why having filled Metro cards makes sense as a Plan B.
HOST MINDSET
Set realistic expectations as the host. Before your guests arrive, give yourself a pep talk. First and foremost, remember a visit is supposed to be fun. So, anticipate taking a Zen attitude about those things which invariably will go awry.
Keep reminding yourself that kids will be kids. This means there will be moments when they are whinny, bratty, and bored. Or they make crazy, unrealistic demands. That’s when you smile, walk away, and allow their loving parents to take over. When all else fails, don’t forget you’ve planned time for an R&R after your guests depart.
A few days later after your guests have gone home, I bet you’ll be as surprised as I was looking at the photos of the family’s visit on my new iPhone. It was a delight reminiscing about our various experiences and the fun we had together exploring the city. That’s what happens with memories. They often have a magical way of smoothing out the small mishaps and allowing us to revisit just the happy moments.
One final tip: Remember to include Times Square on your itinerary. I had intentionally avoided it as any sane New Yorker would. Its nasty traffic congestion, excess of badly dressed tourists, and over-bearing hucksters was hardly appealing. Or so I thought. My intrepid grandniece, Hailey, disagreed. She reminded me when I asked for her recommendations for future trips, “Aunt Marsha, the excitement of Times Square really looks good on videos.”