70 Shades of Grey
When I was growing up, it was my father who dyed his hair, not my mother. My sister and I would watch in fascination as Dad methodically combed Grecian Formula through his hair gradually persuading it to return to its original black-brown color. Alas, its slight greenish tinge belied its authenticity. My mother, on the other hand, allowed her natural strawberry blond color to become lighter with the added grey-white of aging. Throughout her life, she was fastidious about looking attractive. Her dream of becoming a hairdresser never happened but she refused to stop caring about how her hair looked. Mom just elected to allow nature to do its thing. In my view, her hair was naturally beautiful until the day she died.
MEN WITH RED HAIR ARE HOT AT ANY AGE
I took after my father in many ways, including being overtly vain about coloring my hair. Being in marketing and communications—where appearing hip and young was de rigueur—it professionally behooved me to color my random grey hairs. My first boyfriend ever back in fourth grade was Mike Sublet, a carrot top. Ever since him I’ve always had a thing for men with red hair. When I decided to “enhance” the color of my hair starting in my late 40’s, I opted for auburn as a nod to my first heart throb. It worked relatively well with my fair coloration, but I always wondered if it didn’t look a tad fake.
Over the years, I would notice women my age who looked smashing with grey hair, or should I say “silver,” now the more PC term? Italian food authority and cookbook author Michele Scicolone was one of my secret muses. Several years ago, I asked her how and why she made the transition to grey. She told me in a matter-of-fact way, “I went from coloring my very dark but turning grey hair a few years ago because I hated using all those chemicals, the increasing frequency, the loss of time and the expense of coloring it. Furthermore, I didn’t like the way it looked.”
Once Michelle made the decision to stop dying her hair, she allowed it to grow out for a while then tried styling it in a manner to disguise the grey. “When it got out of control, I made an appointment to see a stylist who specialized in short hair and he really cut it short.”
NOTHING LIKE A COMPLIMENT TO CHANGE AN ATTITUDE
The result was at first shocking to Michele. As she started to receive compliments on the color and style, Michele instinctively began to like it. “Plus,” she added, “there was the ease and freedom. It felt a little daring and bold to have ultra-short grey hair with patches of reddish-brown hair leftover from my colored hair days! Best of all, No more bad hair days! I didn’t even have to comb it.” To sweeten the pot, Michele told me her color has only gotten better since she first went grey. “This is me now.”
NOT LIKING THE SKUNK LOOK
Since COVID-19, my curiosity of how I might look totally grey slowly started to nag at me. As the silver streak running down my head turned skunk-ish I wondered: What if I allow my hair to grow out naturally like Michele did? Given no one has been able to go to the hairdresser’s for almost four months now, given my short hair the transition would be a cinch. After all, I’ve only been going out to exercise, always wearing a baseball cap. Who will even notice that I am already mid-way through the process? Besides, against the life-and-death decisions made every hour during the coronavirus, my opting to go silver seemed trivial. Plus, I’m 73 now, so what am I waiting for? Permission?
When I first started thinking about “converting,” my Italian classmate, Joan Ross, recommended I wrap a grey sweater around my head to see how I would look. “You might be surprised and not like it at all so be careful,” she warned me. Of course, there are apps out there, such as beglamorous.com/gray-hairstyles.htm, where you can virtually try out various shades of grey along with different hairstyles. But, that seemed like a lot of extra effort. Instead, I opted for the not-knowing-your-child’s-sex-before-birth route. I wanted to be surprised.
As I was mulling over the decision to go grey, I was reminded of Susan Sokol Blosser, Oregon wine industry pioneer, who went through the process while I was her publicist twenty years ago. She recently retold me her story. “I started highlighting my hair in my early 40’s, to cover the few gray hairs. When I took over the winery (age 45), I was advised NOT to go gray because while gray hair looked distinguished in men, it made women look old and matronly—definitely not professional. So, I kept highlighting it until I was pretty much all blond and then went into my “blond phase” for a few years. It was a pain as my dark roots showed so fast and I had enough red in my hair to give the blond an orange tone. The idea of dying my hair pink or aqua, or any other color never occurred to me.”
HAVING THE COURAGE TO GO GREY
Susan went through a divorce and some difficult financial times with her winery. But undaunted, she persevered. “After I brought the winery around and made it profitable—in other words became a successful professional—I had the courage to get rid of the blond and let the natural gray come out. It was liberating and I have no regrets. It really took success as the president of my business that gave me the confidence to be myself and not what I think of now as ‘playing dress-up professional.’ ”
DITCHING THE DYE
So, with Susan’s story dancing in my head, I ditched the dye and went au naturel the second day my salon reopened during Covid-19’s Phase Two. After months of thinking about it, I finally committed to embracing my age in all its silver splendor. As my hairstylist Mikio took up his scissors, I braced myself trying to build confidence by thinking about various attractive women with grey hair: the actor Helen Mirren and Christine Lagarde, the brilliant, French President of the European Central Bank, for example. Mikio went to town on my hair giving me a spiked pixie exactly like the one I used to sport during my marathon running days.
When Mikio was done, he handed me a hand mirror then turned me around in the chair so I could see the new me in the salon’s full-length mirror. I closed my eyes, held my breath, then snuck a look. Not bad, I thought tentatively. Mikio subtly nodded his head, then gave a quick body bow in approval of his work (Mikio is Japanese). Before leaving, he proffered advise on how to care for my new locks. “Use a shampoo with a bluish or purple color to counteract the brassiness and yellow tones which grey hair often develops. And start wearing bright red lipstick, Marsha!” Or, at least that is what I think Mikio said with his heavy accent further muffled behind a thick plastic face shield.
WHO TURNS GREY FIRST?
Before making the commitment to become a silver sister, I did some research on the topic. Turns out, your ethnicity makes a difference when you start growing grey hair. Caucasians tend to go gray earlier than Asians or African Americans. If you are a redhead, you are the earliest to make the move. By the time you hit the age of 50, chances are you’ll be a member of the 50-50-50 club meaning half of the population has 50% gray hair like you do.
Turns out hair doesn’t go grey, it grows grey. Apparently, a strand of hair grows for one to three years before you shed it. Then, you grow a new one. Over time the pigment-forming cells which need to be regenerated with each hair wear out. In fact, hydrogen peroxide naturally builds up in your hair follicles as you age. This blocks the production of melanin, or our hair’s pigment. It is all part of the normal aging process.
WHAT BLOCKS MELANIN PRODUCTION?
But what causes this loss? According to Dr. Karthik Krishnamurthy, director of the Dermatology Center's Cosmetic Clinic at Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx, New York, “Low Vitamin B12 levels are notorious for causing loss of hair pigment." If you are concerned that you might be deficient in Vitamin B12, you should be consuming more meats, eggs, fish, dairy, and poultry. Dr. K also advises that you investigate getting B12 shots, taking sublingual vitamins, or getting B-complex supplements. Sorry for you if you are a vegetarian or vegan.
While stress won’t make you go grey, it will affect your hair, just as it does your skin. During a stressful event, such as chemotherapy, your hair may grow back a different color and have a new texture as well.
WHO KNEW?
Here are a few more interesting factoids on grey hair and dying hair in general courtesy of Holleewoodhair.com:
· Nearly 85% of women color their hair at least once every eight weeks (compared to just 7% in 1950).
· 22% of those women will only have their hair colored in a salon. 37% will only dye their hair at home.
· 68% of women feel instantly more attractive after having their hair colored.
· Grey coverage is the most common reason why people color their hair.
· According to a 2019 study by Multi-sponsor Surveys, 11 % of men ages 50 to 64 dye their hair, up from 7 percent in 2010, which was a rise from just 2 percent in 1999.
· The U.S. market for women's hair coloring alone is $15 billion annually.
TELL ALL AND I PROMISE NOT TO USE YOUR NAME
Out of curiosity, I conducted my own unscientific research, asking questions of eight female friends who dye their hair—with a “no attribution” guarantee. Here are some of their responses. These ladies, who range in age from late 40’s to mid-70’s, have been dying their hair on average for 30 years. All of them have it done professionally—at least pre-Covid-19—usually every five weeks.
Most of them started out “innocently” by adding highlights—or “sun-in” as one respondent called it—once they started noticing their first strands of grey. Another friend was more precise saying she started coloring her hair “When my beautiful blond hair turned to a dull dishwater color.” Two women admitted to never having had grey hair thanks to their genes. These lucky ladies started the coloring process for whimsical reasons: “I started the process for fun…went Burgundy since I had a crazy stylist who wanted to experiment on me.”
NO ONE WANTS TO GO GREY. IT’S NOT SEXY!
None of my friends surveyed confessed to wanting to go grey. Their reasons for not doing so were intriguing. Several admitted they felt grey would not suit their skin type. Another added that it had taken her seven years to grow out her hair from a pixie cut “into long, feminine locks and grey hair doesn’t do it for me.” Then another friend responded, “People react to first impressions and the appearance of youth and vigor doesn’t jive with grey hair.”
Unanimously, everyone felt strongly about women dying their hair for professional reasons. “Sexism and ageism are subtle realities in professional settings. It would matter less if I were an acupuncturist or a novelist. Or retired!” One woman admitted that her boss—who is five years her senior and dyes her hair dark brown—told her it would make her look “old and frumpy.”
One woman recounted that after chemo, her hair had turned grey. “Because I had not been professionally public about my illness (need to convey strength, not weakness) I was not willing to make two dramatic public changes as once---almost-shaved short AND grey.” She began the single coloring process, returning to the office as an attractive blond.
HOW DO MEN GET AWAY WITH IT?
When the question of “Why do you think society accepts men with grey hair but not women?” arose, all respondents were vocally outraged about the stigma associated with women aging. Americans use language such as “salt-and-pepper, silver fox, and distinguished” when referring to men who have gone grey. For our sisters instead, we deliver a “you'd better cover it up" message.
One respondent summed it up with a mixture of regret and resignation, “This factoid has been here forever, passed down through the ages, probably carved on ancient tablets somewhere.” Another echoed our present culture’s accepted archetype whereby men are judged through the lens of strength and authority whereas women are seen through their level of attractiveness. As one woman put it, “A lot of men look distinguished with grey hair. Lots of women do too, but in general, the expectation of beauty is higher (for women) than for men.”
One woman, who was overtly opposed to going grey, looked at things philosophically: “Does going grey mean that a person has embraced aging? I don’t see men taking second looks at women with grey hair as it is just not sexy. Getting older is inevitable but why rush the season!”
CAN WOMEN BE SEXY WITH GREY HAIR?
This reaction begs the question whether women with grey hair can be considered sexy today. We are all familiar with celebrities such as Jane Fonda, Jamie Lee Curtis and Merely Streep who confidentially strut down the red carpet with their icy white “dos” looking fabulous. And what about the younger celebs Lady Gaga, Christie Brinkley and Gwyneth Paltrow who are now embracing their silver locks. The color grey is no longer just grey. It has morphed into exotic shades called titanium, slate, platinum, cool grey, charcoal and Gainsboro! Are you getting the picture here?
Even teenagers are trending with grey as the new black. No longer are they happy being wanna-be blonds, the color my generation coveted. Some young people are double bleaching their hair to get the right combo of blond/grey/silver. Their inspiration? Some people suggest teenagers are emulating Daenerys Targaryen from “Game of Thrones.” Or perhaps, they just want to stand out by being different. Adopting the “Granny Hair” fad has its advantages.
CELEBRATING GOING GREY AT A YOUNG AGE
There are even on-line support groups for women who have gone prematurely grey. Check out @grombre on Instagram. This site reposts and celebrates young women who show off their new silver growth, also referred to as “gray ombré.” Grombre—which began as a resource to help women feel less embarrassed about going gray—has now exploded into a community of 74,000 followers.
HOW COOL IS IT TO BE HOT?
Consider the January 2019 Wall Street Journal article, “The Hottest Hair Color of the Moment is...Gray.” In the piece, they discuss “Silver tresses, both dyed and natural, are trending among pop stars and CEOs alike.” But then they pose the question, “whether this is a merely a passing fad or a true revolution against our outdated notion of women’s beauty?”
Whatever the answer, I am happy rocking my cool grey Pixie and enjoying having taken the plunge. Check back with me in several months to see if my euphoria is permanent or whether I have quietly slithered back to my hair salon for another coating of auburn.
Incidentally, in case you are interested, there are 256 shades of grey!